How to be engaged and involved in your intimate relationship v. A silent/passive partner

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In many ways, healthy romantic relationships can cause us to relax into them. Once you and your partner have stuck together through thick and thin, you may find yourself or your partner may find themselves complacent or somewhat stagnant.   This can be extremely problematic in your intimate partner relationship

If you’ve started to notice signs that you’re checked out of your relationship, whether you’re feeling bored by your partner or just yearning for the intense connection you have not felt in a while, there are a ton of things you both can do to get the relationship back on track:

1. Engage in weekly Intimate Dialoguing

This is not is the same as day to day talking or surfacy talk such as “what are we having for dinner”  This is more of intense, deeper meaningful dialogue that you have with your partner about the relationship. The best feedback about yourself and how the relationship is going stems from your partner as this needs to be solicited. However, with that being said, if you solicit feedback and you get something that you do not necessarily like, you are not allowed to dig your heels in defensiveness.  On the other hand, the partner that is providing the feedback has to do it in a way that is helpful and useful, not degrading or belittling in nature.  

2. Engage in self-growth together.

By engaging in a new activity that challenges you physically and intellectually, you’re linking thoughts about your partner to ideas like growth, self-improvement, and stimulation. By working on yourselves together, the two of you will learn how your individual strengths and weaknesses match up. This will deepen your understanding of your compatibility and work as real-world evidence that you both can function as a team.

3. Institute phone and screen rules.

No, we’re not going to lecture you on how screens are always terrible. You may have met your partner online, as people increasingly do, but now that you’re in a relationship, you probably need to tip the scales and pour more energy into your partner than you do into the internet. And that’s easier said than done.  Cut down on your screen time little by little, and you’ll discover all kinds of new things about your relationship. It’s crazy how we experience others’ company when we are not half-listening to them, walking around on dates with one foot planted firmly on Twitter or in text conversations with someone else.

4. Build anticipation and have flirty fun banter. 

Practice building anticipation, shifting gears up and down throughout the day, or even enjoying spontaneous, sexual foreplay without rushing straight into more intense acts. What you want to do is break up the routine and mundanity. This will keep your partner curious about the possibilities and excited, and it will increase your own capacity for arousal.

5. Get ready for date night. 

One tried-and-true way to show up in a relationship is to treat it like it’s new. If you and your partner are going out together, put that solid hour into getting ready—you remember, the one you used to spend primping before a date? Yeah, that kind of self-expression should still be in play, no matter how long you two have been together.  Take more action such as initiating a date, planning it on your own and doing something out of the box and extra special to make them feel that they are thought of and appreciated as your partner.  
Resources: 25 Ways to really show up in your relationship for lasting love by Reen.com

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